I love being a dad but I confess, there are moments when it is a challenge.
You see, I have been through the “Big One”. My first born son grew right up under my watchful eye, turning into an amazing young man: athlete, artist, dirty laundry source and all other delightful and difficult boy stuff.
By the time he was a senior in high school we were busy; busy right past the glowing smiles at graduation. He was off to college and I was thrilled and well, just generally proud. The summer came and a few friends kept asking,
“You alright? I mean with your boy going away…”.
“Totally, of course, they grow up, they go on. It’s all good” I replied.
I dismissed their lingering looks and he and I went to the beach, often. They were perfect, unrushed sunshine-filled days. Bags started appearing in the bedroom, shopping lists got specific: toothpaste, socks, underwear, cold weather gear. He was going east.
The final week rushed up like a roller coaster ride. My friends pressed, “You OK?”. “Sure, they grow up, they go away, all good.”. And so it was, even as we rode to the airport. “Got your boarding pass? Got money?”. Yep all good. Then suddenly we were at security.
What?
Wait!!!
“Ok pops. Got to go, see you soon.”
We hugged before he turned and walked through TSA screening. I watched; he didn’t look back. He walked into his future.
I stood there motionless as my heart shifted like a tectonic plate. Hot tears flowed down my cheeks.
I stood there motionless as my heart shifted like a tectonic plate. Hot tears flowed down my cheeks.
I could barely breathe. I don’t know how I got home or even survived the next few months until I saw him again. I was a complete disaster.
Last week, I took my youngest son to the high school for freshman band auditions. We walked up to the big school and I started to walk in with him. He refused, in all of his teenage indignance, “Dad, this is High School! I don’t want to be carrying my dad around with me.”
Can you feel the rumble? I do. There’s another “Big One” and I can tell you exactly when it’s coming: in exactly four years – give or take a few days. So join with me, dads and moms and beloved ones. Let’s love out loud; every day they are around us because you know the next “Big One” will be here like a roller coaster ride.
by Adrian
Eli says
Excellently written. Conveys the hard fast slap of reality when you are a busy parent and suddenly you are in absentia. Just a stage??? No —stages like what the author describes are thresholds. And never get softer; those stage doors are footed with steel plates.
Adrian says
Thank you. Yes thresholds is a good word. One way thresholds. Peace and Blessings Adrian
Ana says
I´m dreading that moment all my kids leave. Beautifully written. Ana